An Open Letter to Twitter Spammers

If you’ve been on twitter for a while – you might have experienced this thing, you know, called, spam. Lots and lots of it. Everyday. So here, I write an open letter to all the twitter spam accounts.

 

Dear Twitter spammers,

Hi. Um, we’ve been seeing each other a lot lately. You are the first thing I see in my mentions sometimes. And that ain’t good. I go to your profile. I see a button which says “report for spam”. You have started to push my buttons. Hence, I push your button too. And I don’t feel a hint of sadness, mind you.

I know, you have different shades to your personality.

Sometimes, you tell me to buy stuff I don’t need. Sometimes you send me links like “Click here [Link] to know ways to raise your teenage kids better!! You can be a better dad!!” I am a 18 year old girl. Target marketing fail, anyone?

Sometimes you tell me ways to get 1000 followers at once, sometimes you tell me to click on *those* type of links which my mom would not like (I’m a good girl, ya know).

You try to give me a free iPhone and iPad.

I’m tempted. I like free things.

But better sense prevails and I sacrifice it and reject your offer. Sometimes you send me links to get FREE tickets for a vacation to Hawaii. Ah, I control myself and sacrifice that too because I know, you’re a liar, a cheater and just fake – I don’t trust you. Sometimes you don’t even have your real picture on twitter! You’re just…..an egg. I don’t like eggs.

You send me links when you add me to your mafia family. NO, thanks, I have my own family. And OH! I just added you to my ‘blocked’ family.

Sometimes you send me just links. Only links. I do not like that. Really, I don’t. Did I stress that enough? Once more: I DO NOT like it.

You even get personal and DM me your ads. I am getting annoyed at your constant interference in my twitter life. I need space!

I hope I won’t see much of you henceforth. It breaks my heart (not really) to say – See you never again. KTHXBAI.

Lots of hate,

Me and every human active tweeter.

38 comments:

  1. I Love Eggs!!! Uhm I mean I loved them boiled! and you just burnt them.. hahaha. Twitter will hopefully use this post as a block/delete spam account reminder…

    I am a spam hater too, I think this is the first time I like to be called a hater though.. hehe

    1. Hi Ivan. Do you know, if one of your friends on twitter clicks on a spam link, your friends can unknowingly start sending you spam through DMs too? It’s a form of indirect spam~ I just wanted to cover all sorts of spam in this post. Thanks for your comment.

    1. You know, I wrote this post assuming that people will have a sense of humor and enjoy this post – which I see that you did. Hence, mission accomplished.

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