Dear Twitter spammers,
Hi. Um, we’ve been seeing each other a lot lately. You are the first thing I see in my mentions sometimes. And that ain’t good. I go to your profile. I see a button which says “report for spam”. You have started to push my buttons. Hence, I push your button too. And I don’t feel a hint of sadness, mind you.
I know, you have different shades to your personality.
Sometimes, you tell me to buy stuff I don’t need. Sometimes you send me links like “Click here [Link] to know ways to raise your teenage kids better!! You can be a better dad!!” I am a 18 year old girl. Target marketing fail, anyone?
Sometimes you tell me ways to get 1000 followers at once, sometimes you tell me to click on *those* type of links which my mom would not like (I’m a good girl, ya know).
You try to give me a free iPhone and iPad.
I’m tempted. I like free things.
But better sense prevails and I sacrifice it and reject your offer. Sometimes you send me links to get FREE tickets for a vacation to Hawaii. Ah, I control myself and sacrifice that too because I know, you’re a liar, a cheater and just fake – I don’t trust you. Sometimes you don’t even have your real picture on twitter! You’re just…..an egg. I don’t like eggs.
You send me links when you add me to your mafia family. NO, thanks, I have my own family. And OH! I just added you to my ‘blocked’ family.
Sometimes you send me just links. Only links. I do not like that. Really, I don’t. Did I stress that enough? Once more: I DO NOT like it.
You even get personal and DM me your ads. I am getting annoyed at your constant interference in my twitter life. I need space!
I hope I won’t see much of you henceforth. It breaks my heart (not really) to say – See you never again. KTHXBAI.
Lots of hate,
Me and every human active tweeter.